For most people who are in difficult marriages getting a divorce as quickly as possible in order to move on with their lives becomes priority. Couples who make rushed decisions to leave the marriage have had no time to evaluate their feelings, thoughts or options. As a result they are unprepared for the roller coaster of emotions, the complicated legal system and the many life changing decisions that they need to make.
Many couples are unprepared or not on the same page when they begin. Lack of preparedness and readiness for a divorce leads to premature divorces. Let’s have a look at things we should consider before putting an end to your marriage.
Time is key
Think how much time you actually spent with your spouse in the last 1 year. Can you make priority to schedule in date nights, do things together on a regular basis, even if that means exercising together or sharing a morning cup of coffee at home. Before getting to the discussion of divorce, try this among many other things for at least 6 months
Stop calling names
In wrecked relationships we start calling names. Immediately stop calling names! You will realise that using cuss words, verbal abuse creates further havoc. Make a list of forbidden words at home – whether in presence of children or not.
Meditation is not about chanting mantras or forcing yourself to ‘not think’ about something. Take time out to watch process of meditation on internet/ tv or start with just focusing on the rhythm of your own breath. This helps in calming the mind, regulating blood levels and increasing our ability to think right.
Are you ready for the aftermath? It is important to have a support system of family and friends who will be there to help you emotionally and practically when needed. To know if you are ready, ask yourself if you are prepared for the following changes: finances, lifestyle, traditions, and tantrums of your children. Do you by any chance, feel for your spouse? If you are not willing to let go of your spouse mentally or emotionally then you are not ready for divorce.
Ask yourself if you are truly ready for divorce or are you just threatening?
Divorce is often threatened, especially in heated marital arguments, hour of frustration, power control, or as a wake-up call.
Invest in a therapist
If nothing seems to be working but you still want to work this out, visiting a therapist is a good idea. It may not hurt your pocket as much as it will hurt you if you didn’t go to that counsellor at least once before exhausting all your options.
Author: Vibhuti Chhibber