It wasn’t before few months that I observed changes in my son. Having been a hands on mother I took pride in the way I had brought him up until the realisation dawned on me. My little-now-grown up boy was into drugs.

I recollected the days when he would come home to a sleepy self. He wouldn’t want to eat or play his favourite game, football. Little did I know that his sleepiness was drowsiness and I clearly had missed those syndromes.

It was my husband who first suspected and discovered substance inside my abandoned jewellery box! With the evidence there was no denying and the kind of boy that he is, faced the truth as is.

It was a manic moment with my hand targeting his addict yet gullible face. Such frenzied moments cropped up every now and then for few days when we realised it was no help.

The turbulence had just started. Now that the cat is out in the open, somehow he has left shame, guilt (if any) and completely withdrawn from us, diving more into addiction.

No amount of cajoling and trying to talk to him is working.

What kind of a mother am I? How did I fail to see through this? How did I fail in the biggest role of my life? I think on these lines every minute of the day. Even at the back of my mind I feel like a living example of a failed motherhood. The sight of your child fidgeting, fighting, wailing for substance is unbearable. Only a mother who has gone through the same situation can understand the pain.

Everyone has a piece to suggest these days. Some of them as ridiculous as putting him in a hostel – to make matters worse.

I do not know where and how to begin. All I know is that I am willing to give whatever it takes to pull him out of this zone forever. I want to bring back the same Yuvraj (name changed) that I had brought in this world 16 years ago.

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This blog is first in a series, published by Reboot Wellness, about the journey of recovery of a young drug addict student, in the words of his mother. The recovery journey is not just of the boy, but also his mother. Names have been changed to maintain privacy and confidentiality.