As a matter of fact, all couples argue. The difference between the couples that stay together and the ones who go stray is the way resolve their conflicts.
Following 9 things may bring about some changes in your marriage:
Often we find spouses claiming he/ she has changed over the years. Do your parents still spoon feed you, pamper you, and cajole you like once they did? No, and yet they love you as much they did back then. Couples have to accept that changes in the cycle of love & relationships will mature and it will not appear the same all the years but that may not necessarily mean that your spouse has lost interest. Accept and embrace the changes and you will love every stage of it.
About being right
Spouses should accept and acknowledge their faults. However, if your goal is to always to prove the other person wrong, you probably will not be happy for long.
In many chauvinist cases, the ego gets hurt and some are not ready to be part of any discussion which points out the right and wrong. For them it seems the discussion targets them. However, partners should understand that it is not about ‘who is right’ but ‘what is right’.
Once you understand what was right and that you were on the wrong side, gladly accept your mistake. Keep certain points in mind:
- A sorry has to be immediate and if not so, do not prolong it further
- The same has to reflect in action – words, verbal or written and unconditional
- Ask yourself or your spouse, “How can I make it better?” “What can I do for you to make it better?”
Share your work experiences, take that much needed travel together, watch movies and create memories to further share and talk about with your children. A shared philanthropic effort can also be created together such as education of a child so that it connects the both of you forever.
Eat, Pray, Love
Traditional advices are not always impractical or orthodox. Try to have at least one meal together as a family. Meditate or pray together and you will find certain bonding that was perhaps earlier missing. Little things can make little changes but those little changes over a period of time can enhance love.
While sex is an integral part of cohabiting, the warmth of a loving hug cannot be ruled out. A hug before stepping out for work or after coming back makes you connected. Physical touch is important and that embrace should last for few seconds and not a second.
I often see men claiming to help their wives with daily chores or with bringing up children and yet amused at their wives not being grateful. Should they be grateful? Well, yes and no. Yes as she does need a helping hand and no as she needs a ‘partner’ than just a helping hand. After all, they are not her children alone?
Women on the other hand should work in tandem with their husbands. Perhaps try to get those bills paid, clear the checks at the bank or let him enjoy the passenger seat some days.
Whether both the spouses are working or not, the line defining traditional roles is clearly diminishing. Spouses have to ensure they are not burdening one over the other for any responsibility.
Marriage does not mean possessing each other. Marriage is all about multiplying joys at the same time being the individual as you always were. While some compromises are expected and changes have to be made by each partner. One has to understand that spouses cannot stop living their lives as an individual. Let your spouse enjoy with his/her own friends and family. Both have equal rights to go on a vacation, short trips, shopping spree and meetings without their respective spouses and why not? This actually widens their circle, beliefs, understanding and horizons.
Respect and Trust
It may be true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach but what is more true for men and women alike is that ‘respect’ holds the key to unlock solid foundation.
Also, giving due respect to your spouse’s family and their tradition can have an everlasting impact on how your relationship will further develop over the years. It is worst to criticise your spouses’ parents, family and traditions all the time. You may not agree with them but you can refrain from aggressive and constant bickering about them. You can choose not to follow something and yet respect that individual for what they do and are.
Respect and Trust often go together. You will realise that most of the times if you trust your spouse, respect will come automatically and vice-versa.
Author: Vibhuti Chhibber